happy fourth of july

happy fourth of july. click the link and laugh your ass off.

remember those who came before.

Destroying Things and Hurting People

Push the guy down the stairs (Must install)
Watch the mannequin fall on bubbles (Flash)
Pull the liquid guy around (Flash)

English lessons from Chairman Mao

"Jimmy is a Black boy. In America, Black people cannot live in the same houses as White people. Their houses are small and poor. In America, Black people are cruelly oppressed. Now they are fighting against their oppressors."

English lessons from Cultural Revolution-era China. More gold found here.

SUNDAY MORNING- think again about sleeping in

my day began at 430AM with a phone call. (disclaimer: not an exact transcript)
Me: uh, hello?
Frank: hey, whats up
Me: im uhh sleeping
Frank: umm, i am in a ditch, i fell asleep driving and woke up in a ditch
Me: are you drunk?
Frank: amazingly, no
Me: dont fuck with me frank, its early in the morning
Frank: i havent had a drop
Me: where are you?
Frank: you know the funeral home?
Me: yeah
Frank: right across the street near that golf thing; the tow truck guy says he needs at least 50 bucks for the tow, and i dont have a cent on me
Me: alright ill be there in like ten minutes

so, i show up with 50 bucks. they pull frank out of the ditch.

Trooper: frank you sure you dont want an ambulance?
Frank: naw man im all set
Me (to frank): you hurt dude?
Frank: my wrist and fingers are all fucked up

luckily the car was driveable, and frank was able to drive the driveable car. so i hauled ass on home to my bed. what a weekend...mine started out with a crash, and ended with a crash. that sucks for frank but shit happens. you just need good people that will get out of bed at 430 in the morning and show up with 50 bucks.

todays lesson: get a job that dosent involve "real" labor

after being in the military you would think i would take it easy for a while...maybe kick back and get a desk job. OHHH no, i am working for a plumber...no not a household "call em up" type of guy but an industrial plumber. i got two hours of sleep last night and i am definetly feeling it.

on to the entertainment for tonight. paroozing big-boys.com (its not a fucking gay porn site you bunch of chodes) i found this video. you shot a potato gun at your co-worker. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN?
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/sockpotato.html

I AM GOING TO LONG ISLAND TODAY!!!!!!!!!

if hes in there, he aint happy

my favorite part of iraq was blowing up/shooting at shit. here is a nice video i came across.

RTMFOMF
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/blowuphouse.html

dont be this guy

hi, Brian here, the newest member of the RTMFOMF. i am going to try to give our faithful audience something to look at every once and a while since my esteemed colleagues do not post as often as they should.

a little about myself:
-Iraq Veteran (i spent 16 months there, shot, got shot at, and spray painted animals..mmm ill explain later)
-no, i have never killed babies
-College Student (i drink a lot; while college is fun, i dont drink quite as much as i did when i was full time army)

this is my first "blog" and i dont quite know what to write in it. i do have ideas but in order to have a good "blog", it is my understanding that one must open themselves up. ill tell you right now, you'll never know it all. it is the same way with describing war to people who have never been there. i can tell you til i am blue in the face but you'll never really get it. i had a fucking college professor tell me "dont pull that 'you dont know what it is like' bullshit on me; it dosent take a genius to figure out what goes on there". needless to say that guy probably has a small dick.

I hope god can forgive me because I'm having a hard time forgiving myself

Who knows what the real reason was, it could have been any of the underlying stresses that were eating away at me just below the seemingly calm surface. The reason isn't as important as the result which was a drunken bender that rivals anything that even Hunter S. Thompson could have come up with during his rampage in Las Vegas. I've spent the last two days paying either physically or financially for the things I did on that awful Saturday night, but the biggest payment has been the emotional stress. There are a few pissed off friends and relatives that resulted from my Springfield black out show down, but what twists my soul the most is the three hours between 3am and 6am that are totally unaccounted for. There is no explanation for my heinous behavior that evening but there was a lesson learned, I will never again drink to that excess. I mean good god, it was something like twenty beers and a pint of jack Daniels while driving up one way streets the wrong way and getting lap dances from college girls at down town strip clubs. All of which culminated into me breaking my own windshield and the glass out of a friends front door. I am a menace and I need to be stopped, or at least contained for a bit. Waking up confused, hung over and waiting for the sky to fall on top of me, I realize now more than ever that I am a sick man who needs his medicine. I obviously took way too much that night and I pray that nobody got hurt who didn't deserve it. "No sympathy for the devil. Buy the ticket, take the ride." These words having been echoing through my head for the past two god damned long and painful days, haunting me, taunting me. God protect us all from me, or at least protect me from myself.